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New Market Definitions

Courtesy of David M Gordon / The Deipnosophist and friend, Ray Seakan. 

New Market Definitions:

From reader (and friend), Ray Seakan, comes this list of investing definitions… 

• BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

• BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low… and selling lower

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors who wet their pants as the market continues its crash

BROKER — What my broker has made me

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves

MARKET CORRECTION — Occurs the day after you buy stocks

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you are the sucker who bought Yahoo/YHOO @ $240

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Investor now locked up in a nuthouse

PROFIT — Archaic; no longer in use.

Thanks, Ray. I needed a good laugh!
-- David M Gordon / The Deipnosophist

 

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