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A Slightly Imaginary Letter to Nigeria (Satire)

Courtesy of williambanzai7

Nigeria

A SLIGHTLY IMAGINARY LETTER TO NIGERIA (Life Imitating the Art of Fraud?)

 

[Addressees, see above photo]

Request for Urgent Bailout Relationship

 

Dear Sir,

I am the group managing director of Mortgage Electronic Recording System (MERS) of Reston Virginia USA, a duly organized shell corporation, and a member of the ad hoc board committee set up by a group of 2Big2Fail American banks to act as the nominee owner of subprime mortgage notes created during the past military administration between 2001-2008.

The members of the committee are interested in the exploitation of funds presently floating in the Central Bank of the United States (CBUS) toxic asset bailout program. Our request is anchored on our strong desire to establish a lasting business relationship with you and your company. We hence solicit your partnership to enable us transfer into your record name the said mortgage notes and into your account the said bailout funds.

You have been recommended to us in confidence and we were assured of your ability and reliability to prosecute residential mortgage backed securitization financing transactions that require the maximum confidence instincts of Nigerian business operatives such as yourselves.

Origin of Mortgages

The mortgage notes are presently floating in our advanced proprietary paperless electronic imaginary title database and tracking system located in a national cross linked network of powerful Pentium III computers operated by our non-employee assistant secretaries. This is as result of grossly over valued collateralized collateralized debt obligations which were executed with the cooperation of MERS during the last administration in America, and are presently under special law enforcement verification.

To this effect, the present state attorney generals in America have set up an adhoc committee to identify, scrutinize and recommend for payment all valid mortgage loans that have been properly recorded.

In the course of our assignment, we have identified a lot of misappropriated and inflated mortgage loans which will soon be floating in the suspense account of the Central Bank of the US (CBUS) ready for payment. Rest assured, the 2Big2Fail banks who executed the mortgages will eventually be fully paid. It is now part of the over inflated sum of USD 3 Trillion (give or take a Trillion) (the “Bail Out Quota”) that we intend to transfer into your account.

I have therefore been mandated as a matter of trust by the members of the ad hoc committee to look for a Nigerian partner into whose account we could transfer the full Bail Out Quota. Hence I am writing you this letter.

We have agreed to share the funds in accordance with the following payment waterfall:

(1) 65% for us (the committee members) and

(2) 20% for account owner (you)

(3) 4% for to settle claims with all tranches of sophisticated CDO bondholders (them)

(4) 1% to be used in settling taxation and all local real estate recording fees that will be incurred in the course of this transaction.

It is from the 65% that we wish to commence a new toxic loan servicing busines. Please note that according to the law of large numbers, this transaction is 100% safe and guaranteed since the non existing laws under which the MERS system was set up empowered us to disburse all the funds found to be floating in the CBUS account from 2001 till date.

We shall commence the transfer of the mortgages and funds immediately after we receive the following information by telefax or via Facebook: (account omitted):

(1) your company’s name and full address

(2) your banker’s name, address, telephone and fax numbers

(3) the account number, security access codes and name of beneficiary.

The above information are to enable us put up letters of claim and job descriptions to the respective regulatory agencies for the issuance of the mandatory fund release approval/recommendations.

This way, your company will become recognised and accepted as the beneficiary of the mortgage note entitlements before the final remittance to your nominated account by the CBUS being the paying bank.

We are looking forward to doing this business with you and solicit your absolute confidentiality in this transaction.

Please acknowledge the receipt of this letter using the above telefax numbers for more details regarding the transaction.

Yours faithfully,

ALHAJI D. BOMBADERO PhD

 

This letter is being sent by ordinary mail for confidentiality purpose

 

Robo Signor

Robo Signer Max


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