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Friday, March 29, 2024

The iClock Post-Mortem

Courtesy of ZeroHedge. View original post here.

Submitted by Tyler Durden.

The Vision… (via The New Yorker)

And The Onion explains the key features of the new iClock…

Tim Cook announced Tuesday the release of Apple’s long-rumored watch, the latest in wearable technology. Here are some features of the new device:

  • 13-megapixel camera enables users to take crystal-clear pictures of wrist
  • Allows wearers to start and stop the flow of time
  • Discreet, but not so discreet that anyone would mistake it for a regular watch
  • Comes in a variety of colors and styles to express your personal submission to the planet’s dominant tech company
  • Adjustable ticking volume
  • All the convenience of a traditional watch that needs to be charged every 12 hours
  • Built-in thinkpiece regarding the increased connectivity yet simultaneous isolation of the millennial generation
  • Small size and intricate circuitry able to drive twice as many Chinese workers to suicide as iPhone
  • Makes it easier for muggers to see whether or not you’re carrying an expensive electronic device
  • Another screen to throw into your current rotation of things you look at

But apart from that… it’s ‘awesome’

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