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Friday, March 29, 2024

Security Concerns at the White House (Humor)

 

Andy Borowitz at the New Yorker reports on White House Security and what people are doing about it:

Citing Security Concerns, Iraq’s Prime Minister Cancels Visit to White House

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Iraq’s new Prime Minister, Haider al-Abadi, has cancelled a scheduled visit to the White House, citing “concerns about the security situation there.”

Speaking to reporters in Baghdad on Wednesday, Abadi said that he had been looking forward to visiting the White House but that recent reports had “given me the willies.”

“They really need to get on top of things there,” he said. “Until they do, I’m better off staying in Iraq.”  Keep reading > 

Obama to Move to Doorman Building

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Barack Obama has decided to move his family into a full-service doorman building in Washington, D.C., saying that “it just makes more sense right now.”

“It really will work better for us,” Obama said in a press conference Tuesday morning. “In addition to the doorman, there’s a guy at the front desk, and, if anyone comes to see you, the desk guy will call up to your apartment first to make sure it’s O.K.”

The senior doorman at the Obamas’ new building, Alex Kornash, seemed unfazed about providing security for the President. “I’ve been a doorman for twenty-three years,” Kornash said. “Someone doesn’t belong here, you tell them to go away. What’s so hard about that?” 

The 2,140-square-foot, three-bedroom condominium that the Obamas will call home includes many amenities, including central air-conditioning, a washer/dryer and all new stainless-steel appliances, according to its real-estate listing. CONTINUE > 

 

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