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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION

THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION

Courtesy of The Pragmatic Capitalist 

A brilliant piece of financial analysis here (comedy).  It would be hilarious if it wasn’t accurate (with the exception of the fact that China own the USA):

million THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION


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ONION Medley

Sampling several articles from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source (click on titles for whole articles): 

U.S. Government: We Have Not Forgotten About Osaka Binn Rogen

Operation Enduring Freedom

WASHINGTON—High-ranking intelligence officials said Monday that the military was still aggressively pursuing notorious terrorist Osaka Binn Rogen, declaring that they had not forgotten about bringing the leader of the Al Hydra network to justice. 

U.S. Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates assured citizens that American forces were actively hunting down Osaka Binn Rogen, and asserted that locating the mastermind behind the tragic 19-11 attacks is as pressing now as it was when their search first began, six or 10 years ago or however long it’s been.

"This homicidal madman committed terrible atrocities against the American people, and we have never, ever lost sight of that," Gates said. "Binn Rogen is the most wanted man on the planet, and he remains our No. 1 priority."

"We have only one thing to say to this heinous individual," Gates added. "We will find you, Osaka Binn Rogen."

Based upon field surveillance and intelligence, officials recently widened the search for Orlama Win Roben by dispatching CIA paramilitary officers and Delta Force soldiers to track down, capture, or assassinate the terrorist leader, who has been described as a "very bad, very tall guy with a beard."

"Every single day our brave soldiers are out plastering wanted posters with Owanda Bun Luvin’s face on buildings, telephone poles, and surrounding trees," Gen. Stanley McChrystal said. "We are constantly scouring the dangerous borderlands of Latvia for this terrible, terrible man."…

Here’s a little something we may have suspected, but now there’s a scientific study:

Study: Shoving, Yelling Makes Things Go Faster 76% Of Time

TUCSON, AZ—Researchers at the University of Arizona released a study Monday showing a causal relationship between raising one’s voice, pushing people in the chest, and getting what you want more quickly. …

Similarly unsurprising…

Chimp In Cocaine Study Starts Lying To Friends

ATLANTA—Concerned workers at the National Primate Research Center said Bobo, a 5-year-old chimpanzee participating in a 16-month cocaine study, was observed this week lying to the faces of friends, family, and staff.

"Our goal was to determine how large doses of the stimulant would improve or impair the chimpanzee’s ability to perform memory and language tasks," said primatologist Daniel Martin, the project’s lead researcher. "What we found was that cocaine


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The America Burger…Enjoy, Slobs.

The America Burger…Enjoy, Slobs.

america-burger

from NatalieDee.com

Sure, I could write 3 or 4 paragraphs about the decline of dignity and the pervasive slovenliness of my countrymen, exactly when we need all of our faculties to be at their sharpest, but why bother when Natalie Dee so perfectly encapsulates this concept in her America Burger faux advertisement.

As American archetype Homer Simpson would unironically say, “It’s funny ’cause it’s true.”

NatalieDee.com

 


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In Recognition of Constitution Day, the Long-Lost Charter Is Printed on Milk Cartons Nationwide

I missed Constitution Day, but as luck would have it, so did the Constitution. - Ilene

In Recognition of Constitution Day, the Long-Lost Charter Is Printed on Milk Cartons Nationwide

Constitution on milk carton

 

 

 

 

 

 

By Op-Toons Review

In recognition of “Constitution Day,” commemorating the signing of the U.S. Constitution on September 17, 1787, the long-lost document has been printed on milk cartons nationwide.

The public is urged to be on the lookout for a “short, concise statement of the principles of limited government.” Authorities said the document “is just a few pages long,” so it could be “just about anywhere.”…  More here. >>

 


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The financial crisis explained

Lol on this one, but warning--mildly strong language towards the end.

The financial crisis explained

Courtesy of Edward Harrison at Credit Writedowns

More weekend market laughs for the financially-inclined.  Hat tip Blicklog.

 


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Help One Of Our Own PSW Members

"Hello PSW Members –

This is a non-trading topic, but I wanted to post it during trading hours so as many eyes can see it as possible.  Feel free to contact me directly at jennifersurovy@yahoo.com with any questions.

Last fall there was some discussion on the PSW board regarding setting up a YouCaring donation page for a PSW member, Shadowfax. Since then, we have been looking into ways to help get him additional medical services and to pay down his medical debts.  After following those leads, we are ready to move ahead with the YouCaring site. (Link is posted below.)  Any help you can give will be greatly appreciated; not only to help aid in his medical bill debt, but to also show what a great community this group is.

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/help-get-shadowfax-out-from-the-darkness-of-medical-bills-/126743

Thank you for you time!

 
 

Zero Hedge

The Tower Of Babel Comes To Paris: The Folly Of Obama's "War" On ISIS

Courtesy of ZeroHedge. View original post here.

Submitted by Tyler Durden.

Submitted by David Stockman via Contra Corner blog,

US imperialism was once a fearsome force - mainly for ill. Under the latter heading, Washington’s savage destruction of Vietnam four decades ago comes readily to mind. But now the American Imperium has become just a gong show on the Potomac - even as its weapons have gotten more lethal and its purposes more  spurious and convoluted.

There is no more conspicuous proof than Obama’s quixotic “war” on ISIS. ...



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Chart School

Getting Technical: Weekend Update

Courtesy of Doug Short.

Here's the latest weekend update from Serge Perreault, a Chartered Professional Accountant and market technician located near Montreal, Canada. Serge has been following the U.S. market in a series of weekly charts. Here is his update on the S&P 500.

This week, the S&P 500 remains neutral near a resistance, on above-average volume and on improving momentum.

Click for a sharper image

Note: For newcomers to technical analysis, here are brief explanations for the two key indicators that Serge features:

  • ...


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Phil's Favorites

Idiotic Proposals for Fed to Give Away Money

Courtesy of Mish.

A Fiscal Times, Yahoo Finance article by by John Grgurich claims that Instead of QE, Fed Could Have Given $56,000 to Every Household in America .

Grgurich formulated his article after reading "an intriguing piece just published in Foreign Affairs, Brown University political economist Mark Blyth and London-based hedge fund manager Eric Lonergan argue the Fed could have done better by pursuing a far different type of grand policy experiment."

The "intriguing piece" is Print Less but Transfer More, Why Central Banks Should Give Money Directly to the People.

Sheer Idiocy

  • Fir...



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All About Trends

Mid-Day Update

Reminder: David is available to chat with Members, comments are found below each post.

Click here for the full report.




To learn more, sign up for David's free newsletter and receive the free report from All About Trends - "How To Outperform 90% Of Wall Street With Just $500 A Week." Tell David PSW sent you. - Ilene...

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Option Review

IV Implodes On 4-hour YHOO Options As BABA Commences Trading

Investors are dumping shares in Yahoo, sending the stock down 5.0% to $40.08 after shares in Alibaba made their debut on the floor of the NYSE just before midday. Shares in BABA for their part initially traded up to a high of $99.70, a near 47% increase over the IPO price of $68.00. Typically, one would expect put options that are 5% out of the money with roughly 4-hours left to trade to see waning implied volatility. But, at the start of the trading session and ahead of the first trade for BABA, the Sep 19 ’14 40.0 strike put options were trading with 271% volatility or $0.30 per contract amid uncertainty as to how the start of trading for Alibaba would take shape.

...

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Market Shadows

Selling PVD

Selling PVD

Administradora de Fondos de Pensiones Provida S.A. (PVD) shares will not be trading on the NY Stock Exchange after today. Tomorrow, shares will be harder to sell. Strangely, I wasn't able to find information on the internet, but Paul just sent me a copy of the email he received from Interactive Brokers.

We're selling PVD out of the Virtual Portfolio today at $87.18. 

More details:

From: Interactive Brokers   dated July 18, 2014

Holders of AFP Provida S.A. American Depository Receipts (ADR) are advised that the Company has elected to terminate the Deposit Agreement effective 2014-09-18.

As of the te...



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Promotions

Last Chance! See The 'Google-Like' Trading Algorithm 'Live' TODAY

Traders and Investors,

RSVP NOW to attend a special presentation TODAY at Noon or 9:00 pm ET, where you’ll see a powerful trading algorithm that’s been tested and proven to return phenomenal results on a consistent basis. 

In fact, it has an 82% win rate…

And had you only traded the conservative alerts recommended by the algorithm since inception, you would have experienced portfolio gains of more than 200%!

Register NOW and secure your virtual seat for one of Today’s LIVE presentations.

When you register for the webinar, you’ll also get instant access to following trading videos:

  • Instant access to FOUR Quick-Start Expectancy...


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Sabrient

Sector Detector: Bulls go down swinging, refusing to give up much ground

Courtesy of Sabrient Systems and Gradient Analytics

Although the stock market displayed weakness last week as I suggested it would, bulls aren’t going down easily. In fact, they’re going down swinging, absorbing most of the blows delivered by hesitant bears. Despite holding up admirably when weakness was both expected and warranted, and although I still see higher highs ahead, I am still not convinced that we have seen the ultimate lows for this pullback. A number of signs point to more weakness ahead.

In this weekly update, I give my view of the current market environment, offer a technical analysis of the S&P 500 chart, review our weekly fundamentals-based SectorCast rankings of the ten U.S. business sectors, and then offer up some actionable trading ideas, including a sector rotation strategy using ETFs and an enhanced version using top-r...



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OpTrader

Swing trading portfolio - week of September 15th, 2014

Reminder: OpTrader is available to chat with Members, comments are found below each post.

 

This post is for all our live virtual trade ideas and daily comments. Please click on "comments" below to follow our live discussion. All of our current  trades are listed in the spreadsheet below, with entry price (1/2 in and All in), and exit prices (1/3 out, 2/3 out, and All out).

We also indicate our stop, which is most of the time the "5 day moving average". All trades, unless indicated, are front-month ATM options. 

Please feel free to participate in the discussion and ask any questions you might have about this virtual portfolio, by clicking on the "comments" link right below.

To learn more about the swing trading virtual portfolio (strategy, performance, FAQ, etc.), please click here ...



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Stock World Weekly

Stock World Weekly

Newsletter writers are available to chat with Members regarding topics presented in SWW, comments are found below each post.

Here's the latest Stock World Weekly. Enjoy!

[Sign in with your PSW user name and password, or take a free trial here.]

Image courtesy of Business Insider, Jay Yarow's This Is The Best Description Of How Apple's Business Works Right Now.

 

...

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Digital Currencies

Making Sense of Bitcoin

Making Sense of Bitcoin

By James Black at International Man

Despite the various opinions on Bitcoin, there is no question as to its ultimate value: its ability to bypass government restrictions, including economic embargoes and capital controls, to transmit quasi-anonymous money to anyone anywhere.

Opinions differ as to what constitutes "money."

The English word "money" derives from the Latin word "moneta," which means to "mint." Historically, "money" was minted in the form of precious metals, most notably gold and silver. Minted metal was considered "money" because it possessed luster, was scarce, and had perceive...



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Pharmboy

Biotechs & Bubbles

Reminder: Pharmboy is available to chat with Members, comments are found below each post.

Well PSW Subscribers....I am still here, barely.  From my last post a few months ago to now, nothing has changed much, but there are a few bargins out there that as investors, should be put on the watch list (again) and if so desired....buy a small amount.

First, the media is on a tear against biotechs/pharma, ripping companies for their drug prices.  Gilead's HepC drug, Sovaldi, is priced at $84K for the 12-week treatment.  Pundits were screaming bloody murder that it was a total rip off, but when one investigates the other drugs out there, and the consequences of not taking Sovaldi vs. another drug combinations, then things become clearer.  For instance, Olysio (JNJ) is about $66,000 for a 12-week treatment, but is approved for fewer types of patients AND...



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About Phil:

Philip R. Davis is a founder Phil's Stock World, a stock and options trading site that teaches the art of options trading to newcomers and devises advanced strategies for expert traders...

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About Ilene:

Ilene is editor and affiliate program coordinator for PSW. She manages the site market shadows, archives, more. Contact Ilene to learn about our affiliate and content sharing programs.

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