Posts Tagged ‘The Onion’

Candidate May Have Lied About Heroic Death In Vietnam

Candidate May Have Lied About Heroic Death In Vietnam

JUNE 14, 2010 | ISSUE 46•24, The ONION

Wilfred (inset), and the place he claims to be buried. Photo: The Onion 

MONTGOMERY, AL—In a major scandal that could cast doubt on his political future, U.S. Senate candidate Chris Wilfred came under fire this week for comments he made alleging he had died heroically while fighting in the Vietnam War.

Wilfred made the controversial claim during a speech Monday honoring three American soldiers recently killed in Afghanistan.

"I know all too well the depth of their sacrifice, for I myself was killed on a battlefield far away from home," Wilfred, a three-term Democratic state representative, said to a crowd of hundreds. "But we who have laid down our lives—whether in Vietnam or Afghanistan—have done so with the knowledge that our deeds have kept our country safe."

Added Wilfred, "Their deaths, like mine, were not in vain."  

Following the speech, critics pounced on Wilfred’s comments, accusing him of overstating his military record for the sake of scoring political points. 

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The Onion: Goldman Sachs, Noam Chomsky and Google’s Smart Phone

The ONION reports on Goldman Sachs’s misadventures, Noam Chomsky’s decision to enjoy the day, and Google’s new "whisper in your ear" smart phone service. 

The Case Against Goldman Sachs

The Securities and Exchange Commission’s lawsuit against Goldman Sachs is revealing a cavalier culture in which the firm invested recklessly and bet against its own clients. Here are some of the company’s questionable practices:

Goldman Sachs Executives Testify At Senate Hearing On Financial Crisis

  • Created its own blood bank and sat on all deposits until the Haitian earthquake
  • Tried their hardest to dissuade risk-loving pensioners and teachers’ unions from buying into unsound derivatives, but in the end it wasn’t enough to stop them
  • Drove up commodity index while hedging against price increases by maintaining a 20-acre facility crammed with full barrels of crude oil, stockpiled bales of cotton, and tens of thousands of lean hogs….
  • [...] 

  • Invested in the highly lucrative underground organ trade through its Mexican subsidiary Goldmando Saques

 More here.>>

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Exhausted Noam Chomsky Just Going To Try And Enjoy The Day For Once

Chomsky Criticizes U.S. Foreign Policy

LEXINGTON, MA—Describing himself as "terribly exhausted," famed linguist and political dissident Noam Chomsky said Monday that he was taking a break from combating the hegemony of the American imperialist machine to try and take it easy for once.

"I just want to lie in a hammock and have a nice relaxing morning," said the outspoken anarcho-syndicalist academic, who first came to public attention with his breakthrough 1957 book Syntactic Structures. "The systems of control designed to manufacture consent among a largely ignorant public will still be there for me to worry about tomorrow. Today, I’m just going to kick back and enjoy some much-needed Noam Time."

"No fighting against institutional racism, no exposing the legacies of colonialist ideologies still persistent today, no standing up to the widespread dissemination of misinformation and state-sanctioned propaganda," Chomsky added. "Just a nice, cool breeze through an open window on a warm spring day."

Sources reported that the 81-year-old Chomsky, a vociferous, longtime critic of U.S. foreign policy and the political economy of the mass media, was planning to use Monday to tidy up around the house a bit, take a leisurely walk in the park, and possibly attend an afternoon showing of Date Night at the local megaplex.

Sitting down to a nice oatmeal breakfast, Chomsky picked up a copy of Time, a deceitful, pro-corporate publication that he said would normally infuriate him.

"Yes,


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Nation Sickened By Sight Of Happy Young Couple

Fake exaggerated, but funny, news from The Onion:

Nation Sickened By Sight Of Happy Young Couple

OAK PARK, IL—Though sharply divided on the war on terror and domestic controversies such as abortion, drugs, and gay marriage, Americans are in almost unanimous agreement over one issue: that Oak Park, IL couple Dave Petrun and Julie DeSimone are totally sickening.

Enlarge ImageThe happiest goddam couple in the whole world.

"It’s like they think they’re the first couple to ever fall in love in the history of space and time," said Boston resident Allison Clark, one of millions of people who say they want to shoot themselves in the face after observing the tender relationship between Petrun, 28, and DeSimone, 25, evolve over the last four months.

According to an ABC News–Washington Post poll released Monday, a significant majority of Americans believe the couple’s persistent displays of affection, which include almost constant hand-holding, mutual giggling, and insufferably coy little kisses, were "f*%king ridiculous." An overwhelming eight out of 10 polled said they wished the couple would die, preferably in a fiery automobile accident. 

Continue Happy Young Couple here.>>


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Congress in action (humor)

Example of Congressional oversight and idiotic solutions, by The Onion.

Congress Announces Plan To Hide Nation’s Porn From Future Generations


Congress Announces Plan To Hide Nation’s Porn From Future Generations

See Also:  U.S. Flag Recalled After Causing 143 Million Deaths, The Onion 


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Ford Unveils New Car for Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus

Ford Unveils New Car for Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus

Hilarious Onion video:

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ford_unveils_new_car_for_cash


Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus

 


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The ‘Real’ Reason Unemployment Is Rising

The ‘Real’ Reason Unemployment Is Rising

Courtesy of Michael Panzner at Financial Armageddon

Nowadays, the airwaves are filled with talking heads who claim to know what went wrong and where things are headed. Personally, I think The Onion, the satirical online news source (and a long-time favorite of mine), has more credibility than some of these so-called experts. In their latest report, "More American Workers Outsourcing Own Jobs Overseas," they detail the real reason why unemployment is rising.

(Hat tip to Fund My Mutual Fund for today’s helping of much needed black humor.)

 


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The Onion on Technical Analysis

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technical analysisThe Onion on Technical Analysis

TraderMark at Fund My Mutual Fund

I often say to people that technical analysis (aka squiggly line analysis) is a bunch of hooey but something that must be respected. It only works because so many people believe in the hooey – I mean why is the 200 day moving average so important? Why does the 142 day or 277 day get no love? My parallel is, if you sold sweaters in Miami and you noticed a trend that each time the temperature went over 90 degrees sweater sales shot through the roof, you’d say people were crazy. But if it happened, and you were a sweater salesman you’d respect it and stock up on sweaters ahead of the heat wave. So it is with technical analysis …

Further, my belief as high frequency trading (HAL9000 aka algorithims) and the like take over more and more of the market (now people are saying >50% of all daily volume is HFT!) technical analysis is only growing more in importance. Computers don’t buy fundamentals. While I still like buying fundamentally good stories, you can see many times stocks go up or down based on the chart – bad or good fundamental stories mean little. While I find it sad from a "historical basis of what the stock market used to be about" it is what it is, and I adjust to the market to make money.

So with all that said, someone forwarded me a post (again hat tip Clusterstock for this one) from the Onion that showed as we were coming off the last major stock market bubble that technical analysis was blossoming… what I love is however insane it reads, there is a lot of truth in the phrasing in how we interpret the market today!

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The Onion: Blue Line Jumps 11 Percent

NEW YORK–Excitement swept the financial world Monday, when a blue line jumped more than 11 percent, passing four black horizontal lines as it rose from 367.22 to 408.85.

It was the biggest single-day gain for a blue line since 1994.

"Even if you extend the blue line’s big white box back many vertical lines, you won’t find a comparably large jump," said Milton


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Brilliant Satire Via The Onion……. “U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt”

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Brilliant Satire Via The Onion……. "U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt"

Courtesy of Jan-Martin Feddersen at Immobilienblasen

I also recommend to read the following brilliant satire Nation Ready To Be Lied To About Economy Again via The Onion. I´m not so sure that this "wish" hasn´t already become reality…… ;-)

Genauso brilliant der nachfolgende Clip ist Nation Ready To Be Lied To About Economy Again ebenfalls vom US Satiremagazin "The Onion". Obwohl ich mir nicht sicher bin ob der geäußerte Wunsch nicht längst in die Realität umgesetzt worden ist….. ;-)

H/T The Mess That Greenspan Made


U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt

 

 


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Cash4Gold to buy the U.S. gold reserves?

In case you missed it, here’s The Onion video that sparked the confusion.

 

Cash4Gold to buy the U.S. gold reserves?

Courtesy of Tim Iacono at The Mess That Greenspan Made

Last week, after seeing it pop up in a number of other places, this video from The Onion about Cash4Gold wanting to buy all of the 8,000+ tonnes of U.S. gold reserves was shared here because, well, it was pretty darn funny.

You’d think that would the end of this story but, yesterday, Commodity Online (originating from India and, perhaps, not all that familiar with American-style satire) ran this story about the video, apparently not realizing that The Onion is not really "American’s Finest News Source" but a satire website offering only fake news.

IMAGE Cash4Gold, America’s leading buyer of precious metals direct from the general public, announced an offer to purchase the U.S. national gold reserve for $240 billion.

Cash4Gold stated in a press release that it learned of the federal government’s plan to turn the nation’s gold into cash after the Onion News Network broke the story at the Radio and Television Correspondents’ Association Dinner in Washington last week. President Obama and scores of other political and media leaders were on-hand as the Onion aired a video news segment announcing the emergency economic plan aimed at helping the United States pay off its debts.

Now, these Onion videos are good, but they’re not that good…

The funniest part about this whole thing is that it brings a bit more attention to the absurdity of the numbers. The U.S. government has already made some $13 trillion worth of guarantees as a result of the financial crisis, it has a debt of over $11 trillion, and a 2010 budget deficit of almost $2 trillion, but their entire gold reserves are only worth a little over $200 billion.

Appearing on The Onion to explain the government’s plan to work with Cash4Gold, Deputy Treasury Secretary Edward Kuehnel estimated the value of the pure gold bars that comprise the U.S. federal gold reserve at $200 billion. Cash4Gold’s unprecedented $240 billion offer reflects the full melt value of the U.S. stockpile, plus an added 20 percent. Melt value refers to


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Zero Hedge

Frontrunning: March 27

Courtesy of ZeroHedge. View original post here.

  • Markets Slide on Doubts that Trump Can Deliver (BBG)
  • Dollar hits four-month low as Trump trade deflates (Reuters)
  • These Charts Show Alarm Bells Ringing on Trump Trade (BBG)
  • White House may court Democrats on tax reform (...


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ValueWalk

Six Graphs that Reveal Big Problems for Student and Auto Loans

By Mises. Originally published at ValueWalk.

Student and auto loan debt via Mises

The New York Fed’s most recent household debt report showed ballooning debt and delinquency in student and auto loans. Total household debt has just about reached its previous late-2008 high of over $12.5 trillion.

You’ll notice that housing debt (blue) has not increased much since its 2013 low, meaning that the increases in total debt have mostly come from non-housing debt (red). A closer look at the composition of non-housing debt reveals that the biggest increases in debt have come from student and auto loans (red and green, below).

In fact, the numbers make it look like the housing bubble was almost exactly replaced by new bubbles in education and cars....



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Chart School

Weekly Market Recap Mar 26, 2017

Courtesy of Blain.

Tuesday’s long overdue >1% selloff in the S&P 500 broke a very long and rare streak in the S&P 500.   The S&P 500?s streak without a 1% down day was the longest since May 18, 1995!  A marginal close lower Monday was followed by a 1.2% drop Tuesday (the NASDAQ fell 1.8% that day).

“I think that investors are kind of starting to discount the likelihood of the immediacy of [President Donald Trump’s] policies and the enthusiasm has come off the boil as a lot of his policies got mired in the legislative process,” said Jack Ablin, chief investment officer at BMO Private Bank. “Investors are not throwing in the towel but they are resetting their expectations.”

According to Bespoke, there have been only 11 instances since 1928 where the S&P 500...



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Phil's Favorites

EU Ponders Opening Its Brexit Strategy Book, Asks UK to Do the Same

Courtesy of Mish.

Here’s a negotiating strategy I am quite certain Donald Trump would never consider: EU looks at revealing negotiating positions for Brexit.

Brussels is considering publishing its main negotiating positions in Brexit talks, adopting a policy of full transparency that may wrongfoot the more secretive British side.

“The unity of the 27 will be stronger when based on full transparency and public debate,” Mr. Barnier said in a comment piece for the Financial Times. “We have nothing to hide.”

Theresa May, Britain’s prime minister, has, by contrast, said it is vital to “maintain discipline” and avoid disclosures tha...



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Market News

News You Can Use From Phil's Stock World

 

Financial Markets and Economy

Treasury Bears on Reflation Train Face Peaking Price Pressures (Bloomberg)

Investors need to contend with the waning impact of energy base effects on inflation and a terminal rate that lacks momentum before they can aspire to push interest rates higher.

One of Wall Street's most steadfast bulls is worried about stocks (Business Insider)

In a note sent to clients on Friday, Lee said several factors that had supported his views on the market, including attractive valuations and central-bank support, had turned neutral or possibly ne...



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Members' Corner

More Natterings

Courtesy of The Nattering Naybob

[Click on the titles for the full articles.]

A Quick $20 Trick?

Summary

Discussion, critique and analysis of the potential impacts on equity, bond, commodity, capital and asset markets regarding the following:

  • Last time out, Sinbad The Sailor, QuickLogic.
  • GlobalFoundries, Jha, Smartron and cricket.
  • Quick money, fungible, demographics, QUIK focus.

Last Time Out

Monetary policy is just one form of policy that effects capital,...



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Kimble Charting Solutions

Fund flows of this size could mark a top, says Joe Friday

Courtesy of Chris Kimble.

A year ago flows into ETFs were extremely low, actually the lowest in years, as many stock market indices were testing rising support off the 2009 lows. The crowd wasn’t adding money to ETFs as lows were taking place. In hindsight, this was a mistake by the majority. Below I look at ETF flows over the past few years with an inset chart of the S&P 500.

CLICK ON CHART TO ENLARGE

Nearly three months into this year, fund flows have surpassed mone...



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OpTrader

Swing trading portfolio - week of March 20th, 2017

Reminder: OpTrader is available to chat with Members, comments are found below each post.

 

This post is for all our live virtual trade ideas and daily comments. Please click on "comments" below to follow our live discussion. All of our current  trades are listed in the spreadsheet below, with entry price (1/2 in and All in), and exit prices (1/3 out, 2/3 out, and All out).

We also indicate our stop, which is most of the time the "5 day moving average". All trades, unless indicated, are front-month ATM options. 

Please feel free to participate in the discussion and ask any questions you might have about this virtual portfolio, by clicking on the "comments" link right below.

To learn more about the swing trading virtual portfolio (strategy, performance, FAQ, etc.), please click here ...



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Digital Currencies

Bitcoin Tumbles Below Gold As China Tightens Regulations

Courtesy of Zero Hedge

Having rebounded rapidly from the ETF-decision disappointment, Bitcoin suffered another major setback overnight as Chinese regulators are circulating new guidelines that, if enacted, would require exchanges to verify the identity of clients and adhere to banking regulations.

A New York startup called Chainalysis estimated that roughly $2 billion of bitcoin moved out of China in 2016.

As The Wall Street Journal reports, the move to regulate bitcoin exchanges brings assurance that Chinese authorities will tolerate some level of trading, after months of uncertainty. A draft of the guidelines also indicates th...



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Mapping The Market

Congress begins rolling back Obama's broadband privacy rules

Courtesy of Jean Luc

I am trying to remember who on this board said that people wanted to Trump because they want their freedom back. Well….

Congress begins rolling back Obama's broadband privacy rules

By Daniel Cooper, Endgadget

ISPs will soon be able to sell your most private data without your consent.

As expected, Republicans in Congress have begun the process of rolling back the FCC's broadband privacy rules which prevent excessive surveillance. Arizona Republican Jeff Flake introduced a resolution to scrub the rules, using Congress' powers to invalidate recently-approved federal regulations. Reuters reports that the move has broad support, with 34 other names throwing their weight behind the res...



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Promotions

Free eBook - "My Top Strategies for 2017"

 

 

Here's a free ebook for you to check out! 

Phil has a chapter in a newly-released eBook that we think you’ll enjoy.

In My Top Strategies for 2017, Phil's chapter is Secret Santa’s Inflation Hedges for 2017.

This chapter isn’t about risk or leverage. Phil present a few smart, practical ideas you can use as a hedge against inflation as well as hedging strategies designed to assist you in staying ahead of the markets.

Some other great content in this free eBook includes:

 

·       How 2017 Will Affect Oil, the US Dollar and the European Union

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Biotech

The Medicines Company: Insider Buying

Reminder: Pharmboy and Ilene are available to chat with Members, comments are found below each post.

I'm seeing huge insider buying in the biotech company The Medicines Company (MDCO). The price has already moved up around 7%, but these buys are significant, in the millions of dollars range. ~ Ilene

 

 

 

Insider transaction table and buying vs. selling graphic above from insidercow.com.

Chart below from Yahoo.com

...

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All About Trends

Mid-Day Update

Reminder: Harlan is available to chat with Members, comments are found below each post.

Click here for the full report.




To learn more, sign up for David's free newsletter and receive the free report from All About Trends - "How To Outperform 90% Of Wall Street With Just $500 A Week." Tell David PSW sent you. - Ilene...

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FeedTheBull - Top Stock market and Finance Sites



About Phil:

Philip R. Davis is a founder Phil's Stock World, a stock and options trading site that teaches the art of options trading to newcomers and devises advanced strategies for expert traders...

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Ilene is editor and affiliate program coordinator for PSW. She manages the site market shadows, archives, more. Contact Ilene to learn about our affiliate and content sharing programs.

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