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"Bankrupt" Jefferson County Did Not Buy REITs Today, Summons National Guard To Maintain Order

Courtesy of Tyler Durden

Oddly enough, Jefferson county which got into a dash of trouble buying some interest rate swap or another without reading the prospectus which despite guaranteeing perpetual appreciation distinctly said in the invisible print that total loss of principal is another side effect of transacting with Wall Street, has apparently been unable to participate in today’s 175/75 L/S unwind which blew the REITs into the stratosphere and got Bob Pisani’s panties in a bunch.

So, what do those Southerners do now that they have been on the verge of full blown bankruptcy for months if not years – why summon the National Guard of course.

Brilliantly, the county first cut the sheriff’s budget, and only subsequently did it realize it would need to maintain this thing called order. From the AP:

The sheriff in Alabama’s most populous county may call for the National Guard to help maintain order, a spokesman said Tuesday, after a judge cleared the way for cuts in the sheriff’s budget and hopes dimmed for a quick end to a budget crisis.

About 1,000 county workers already are on unpaid leave because courts threw out a key county tax, and Hale has warned that reductions to his budget would mean fewer patrols by deputies and decreased courthouse security.

A spokesman for Hale, Randy Christian, said the sheriff told Gov. Bob Riley after the ruling that state assistance may be needed to perform basic law enforcement tasks once the department’s current funding is exhausted in early September.

“We will certainly be looking at calling in the National Guard,” said Christian.

Hale may have to cut as many as 188 deputies and almost 300 civilian workers out of more than 700 employees total because of Boohaker’s ruling, Christian said. That would leave just enough workers to staff the county’s two jails, which hold about 1,000 prisoners on average.

Ok, but what happens when the National Guard goes bankrupt in a few months once every other county realizes it needs it too? Can they call in the Goldman reservists? Do these stupid mayors understand that Goldman reservists do not like to be paid with IOUs?

Once Joe Sixpack is busy fending off the vigilantes (real ones, not the bond variety) and has no time to heatmap his daily quota of REITs, the real question becomes what HAL9000 will do once it has no more retail players left to frontrun…


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