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CoLoNeL BeN BeRNaNKe VoWS To FiGHT To THe LaST QE DoLLaR

Courtesy of williambanzai7

BANZAI7 NEWS BUREAU

COLONEL BERNANKE VOWS TO FIGHT TO THE LAST QE DOLLAR

WASHINGTON DC--Amid new reports of fighting between his security forces and Congressional rebels seeking his ouster, Colonel Ben Bernanke took time out today to deliver a meandering, disjointed three-hour testimonial mixing a combination of giveaways to Wall Street, promises of reform, and vows of economic retaliation in an apparent bid to quell the growing unrest here.

His speech bore little apparent relation to reality.

Addressing the American People’s General Congress, Colonel Bernanke repeated his recent denials in the face of all evidence that any demonstrations against his policies had taken place recently.

When he entered the room, a cheering crowd did not mob the desk when he was to speak, nor did they trample and break an arrangement of flower pots placed on the hearing room floor.

He was by turns soft-spoken and pugnacious.

He turned pages as he read from a long prepared speech, but then veered off into lengthy, improvised central banking digressions.

At times he adopted the tone of an absent-minded PhD, asking his assistant to remind him of the names of newspapers or to return to a certain subject before he left.

But at other times his tone would turn bellicose, as he urged his Wall Street supporters to fight on with him “to the last QE dollar.”

He blamed the insurrection that threatens to remove much of the economy from his control on radical Anti-Keynesian Islamists, and once again suggested they had given young people iPads and goaded them into a frenzy of social network rioting.

“There was no talk of demonstrations ” in the eastern towns where the inflation started last month, Colonel Bernanke said. “People came from outside New York City.

He called the anti-Federal Reserve rebels “ Al Qaeda terrorists” and said loyalist forces would never surrender.

He asked parents to persuade young people to spend lots of funny money and watch American Idol and promised forgiveness, but he vowed swift vengeance against those he said were behind the revolt: Afghanistan-trained militant Anti-Keynesians and independent financial bloggers.

He repeatedly vowed to defy international pressure, warning the foreign powers not to intervene and threatening a fierce monetary fight if they did. Foreign intervention, he said, could set off the kind of currency war similar in devastation to wars seen in Iraq or Afghanistan.

If Europeans stopped doing business with Wall Street, he said, the Bankstas would turn from the BRICS to Goldman’s new DICKS.

He laughed at reports that the QE inflationary spiral would debase his family’s assets, saying that they would not debase one penny of his savings because he lived so simply.

He faulted Congressmen Ron Paul and Bernie Sanders for passing resolutions chastising his government without investigating the situation first, and blamed Tyler Durden of Zero Hedge for spreading misinformation.

He also criticized the journalists he invited to his office. “The FRB doesn’t like journalists,” he said. “They shouldn’t even know about the PhD forecasts in the FOMC, because we are suspicious,” he said, according to a translation from Fed-speak to plain English carried live on CSPAN state television.

But he also tried to placate an increasingly impatient public.

He said that his adopted son Seif al-Islam el-Geithner had persuaded him that the American people want a viable recovery plan, and so he would support enlisting the Ivy Leagues best PhD experts to draft one.

He said he would support freedom of economic speech, even speech critical of FRB governance.

And he offered POMO giveaways that, if genuine, would appear dangerous to the health of the American economy.

He said his programs would more than double the salaries of Wall Street employees and offer no-interest loans of as much as $100,000 for Americans to buy a GM car or a dilapidated bank owned shell residence.

State television showed Colonel Bernanke exchanging clenched fist salutes with his Wall Street supporters. “It is the moneyed class who rule,” he said, repeating his assertion, disputed by few outsiders, that he wields uncontrolled political power.

“There is nothing else but elite financial power,” he said.

“There is no room for a king or guardian or President to replace Banksta power.”

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Sign up today for an exclusive discount along with our 30-day GUARANTEE — Love us or leave, with your money back! Click here to become a part of our growing community and learn how to stop gambling with your investments. We will teach you to BE THE HOUSE — Not the Gambler!

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