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Thursday, March 28, 2024

Market Hit by a Spoogenami

Courtesy of MoneyMcbags

While there may have been a tsunami in Japan (and Money McBags heard rumors that it was caused by everything from Godzilla and Mothra learning that they had invested their savings with Bernie Madoff to a rush to the Apple stores to buy the new Hello Kitty themed iPad2), there was a spoogenami in the market as investors once again proved to be symphorophiliacs and fondled their long assets over the economy and geo-political peace getting ready to explode like a bad case of beaver fever (and unfortunately not the fever Money McBags has for Kate Upton’s beaver).  Middle East uprisings?  Jizzzzz.  Falling consumer sentiment?  Double jizzzzzzzzzzzzz.  Job openings drying up worse than Tony Danza’s marriage? Who’s the fucking boss jizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  The worse the news, the more investors buy the fucking dip because, well, because Uncle Bennie would want it that way so just remember that the next time NFLX drops below $200 or support levels get blown more than Enrico Ponzo’s cover.

 

As for macro news on Friday, the University of Michigan’s consumer sentiment index fell to a 5 month low as people realize they need money to actually buy shit (well, at least until the crash of the ponzeconomy™ and the return to the barter system).  The preliminary March reading came in at 68.2, down from 77.5 in February, and well off the median forecast of 76.5 among economists who once again show there is not one data point to which they can’t find the fat tail.  That said, Money McBags gives a shit about anything that comes out of the University of Michigan (except for maybe Selma Blair) because there is a reason it is a safety school.

 

In other macro news, job openings dropped 161k to 2.76MM which was a 5,.5% fall and means there are fewer openings than in an imperfortate anus.  The data points to 5 people now vying for every position, though twice that if the position is the rusty bike pump.  When the recession began in December 2007, there we 1.8 people going for every job so if the (No)Labor Department can just remember to carry the one and continue to cut the labor force participation rate in Money McBags’ “Fuck Off Strategy”, we should be back there in no time.

 

Elsewhere, business inventories rose 0.9% in January to their highest level in two years which might be meaningful news if this weren’t already March.  Also, retail sales posted their largest gain in four months as consumers increased purchases of autos, apparel, tiger’s blood, and bras to hold their monkeys (and um, really?  Shit Money McBags has heard of a titmouse, but a titmonkey?  What the fuck is this world coming to (other than Brooklyn Decker)?).  The rise in retail sales was the largest gain since October and the eighth consecutive monthly advance as rising oil prices did nothing to dissuade rich assholes from spending some of the paper profits they have made thanks to the Federal Reserve/White House/Wall Street money printing cartel where greenbacks flow like Clarence Thomas threesomes.  But just imagine how much stronger retail spending would have been if Warren Buffett hadn’t only paid himself $100k (and note to assholes writing that story who make it seem like Mr. Boofay is some kind of fucking saint and man of the people for taking such a low salary.  1.  The guy is worth $50B so um, real fucking magnanimous of him there, really, it’s like applauding Hugh Hefner for not sucking every tit.  2.  The guy is living high off the hog thanks to the government bail outs so if he were really magnanimous, he would give that $100k to Hammerin’ Hank Paulson.  3.  As Charles Barkely would say” “Shut the hell up.“).

 

Internationally, consumer prices rose in China by 4.9% thanks to food prices rising 11% in February which means more people will have to opt for the cheaper non-pee pee flavored Coke.  Additionally, Chinese PPI was up 7.2% and the rise in prices across the board is more worrisome than being David Davis’ barber.  With China fueling global growth, any attempt by the government to curb inflation may cause a slowdown in the world economy which would be as helpful to this recession as a right sleeve is to Aron Ralston so this bears watching (while this really bears watching, and this bear is watching).

 

In the market Ann Taylor jumped up 12% after a good Q (and Money McBags just spent 30 minutes trying to write an Ann Taylor joke and all he could come up with is that it is an anagram for “try on anal,” so do with that as you will).  Steel manufacturers rose across the board after Steel Dynamics increased their dividend and gave good guidance thanks to strong demand in their rail business and they hope to continue to prove that whoever smelt it, dealt it.  Finally AIG was up ~2% after offering to buy back $15.7B in MBS the government took from them during the financial crisis.  When asked about the risk, AIG’s CEO reminded investors that if the MBS fail, the government will just re-take them from AIG so the company has less downside than a blumpkin from Maria Fowler because that is what happens once you slide down the slippery slope of moral hazard.

 

As always, Money McBags has more on small caps and Bree Olson at the award winning When Genius Prevailed.  Plus you can also find him at the twitter, the facebook, and likely the local Rick’s Cabaret where he is not only a client, but a shareholder.  So don’t be shy, and feel free to tell a friend, or a thousand, because the Money McBags devolution is just beginning.

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