We officially shorted TSLA on October 7th in our Live Member Chat Room, after the company released their updated Model Y and our analysis showed that this was yet another in a long string of disappointments from the Elon Musk Promise Engine. We picked up a $2,450 credit betting AGAINST P. T. Barnum because the army of suckers who bet on him give us a spread where we can make as much as $52,450 (21.4 times our bet!) if he drives the price of the stock back below $300 by January, 2028.
Obviously we’re taking the long odds against Musk but it’s the frenzied betting of his “home-town” fans that drives these insane odds – not the actual PERFORMANCE of his company, which has generally been a disaster and looks to evolve into a catastrophe going forward – as evidenced by last night’s Conference Call:
Summary of Tesla’s Q3 2025 Q&A Webcast
Positives:
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- Record Financial Performance: Tesla reported new records in deliveries, revenues, energy gross profit, and free cash flow, indicating strong operational performance and customer confidence.
- Expansion of Production: Elon Musk expressed confidence in expanding production capacity, particularly with the anticipated success of unsupervised full self-driving (FSD) technology, which could significantly increase vehicle output.
- Advancements in AI and Robotics: The company is at a critical juncture with its AI initiatives, including the development of Optimus, which Musk believes has the potential to revolutionize productivity and contribute to a vision of “sustainable abundance.”
- Energy Sector Impact: Tesla’s energy storage solutions, particularly the Megapack, are positioned to enhance grid efficiency and address energy demands without the need for new power plants.
- Strong Demand for Products: There is robust demand for Tesla’s Megapack and Powerwall products, driven by positive customer feedback and favorable policy changes in the U.S. solar market.
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Negatives:
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- Regulatory Challenges: The rollout of FSD and Robotaxi services is still subject to regulatory approvals, which could slow down expansion plans in certain markets.
- Competition and Tariffs: The energy storage business faces headwinds from increased competition and tariffs, impacting profit margins and operational costs.
- High Operating Expenses: There has been a sequential increase in operating expenses, particularly due to restructuring efforts and legal costs, which could pressure profitability in the short term.
- Challenges in Robotics Development: The development of Optimus is complex, particularly regarding the dexterity of the robot’s hand, which is crucial for its functionality. This complexity may delay production timelines.
- Market Perception and Leadership Concerns: Musk expressed concerns about maintaining influence over the company as it grows, particularly regarding shareholder voting dynamics and the potential for external pressures from institutional investors.
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Overall, while Tesla showcased strong financial results and ambitious plans for AI and robotics, it also highlighted significant challenges related to regulation, competition, and operational costs that could impact its future growth trajectory.
Where do we even start with this megalomaniacal masterpiece? Elon Musk claims he needs $1 TRILLION to control a “robot army“(not for the company, but for him, PERSONALLY) because apparently being worth a mere $300Bn isn’t enough to satisfy his Bond-villain fantasies. That’s right, the man whose cars have panels that literally fall off while driving wants to build an ARMY OF ROBOTS?
I don’t know if many of you recall but Elon Musk recently showed us how he behaves when he is given power and it is NOT something I’d like to see repeated as the Ultimate Controller of 10 BILLION ROBOTS – which is the amount he expects to see running about by 2040.
During Tesla’s Q3 Earnings Call, Musk delivered what might be the most honest admission of his supervillain aspirations yet: “I just don’t feel comfortable building a robot army here, and then being ousted because of some asinine recommendations from ISS and Glass Lewis, who have no f**king clue.” Elon called these board advisory groups “corporate terrorists” – because nothing says “stable leadership” quite like calling people who recommend against your Trillion-Dollar payday terrorists!
I asked Robo John Oliver (AGI) for his satirical opinion on this matter:
The Cybertruck Catastrophe: A Preview of Robot Apocalypse
Adjusts bow tie while dodging falling panels
Let’s talk about Tesla’s track record with building things that DON’T try to kill you, shall we? The Cybertruck – that rolling monument to hubris – has achieved EIGHT RECALLS in less than two years! Tesla is recalling 46,096 units of the Cybertruck over a stainless steel exterior trim panel that “can delaminate and detach from the vehicle,” creating literal road hazards for anyone unfortunate enough to be driving behind one.
But wait, it gets better! The “bulletproof” truck that can’t even keep its own skin on has suffered from:
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- Accelerator pedals that trap themselves, causing uncontrolled acceleration
- Windshield wipers that fail because they can’t handle… electricity
- Panels held on with GLUE that becomes brittle in cold weather
- Font sizes on warning lights that were too small (because THAT’S the safety priority)
Tesla agreed to officially inform owners it would recall all 46,100 Cybertruck pickups. According to U.S. traffic safety administration NHTSA, the glue fixing the exterior sheet metal in place could become brittle and fail, risking an accident should it detach and fall while driving.
And Musk has been using his other companies to hide the sales failure of Tesla’s Cybertrucks by having them buy cars ahead of Q3 earnings – these are the sort of scams you can play when you are very, Very, VERY rich:
Straightens bow tie with mounting terror
And almost all of these trucks are being recalled! Imagine these quality control standards if they were applied to humanoid robots with the strength damage you, your children or – gasp! – your pets! You don’t park a robot in the driveway when it bursts into flames – it’s in your kitchen or your bedroom (see Phil’s article on robot lovers)!
Full Self-Driving: The Dress Rehearsal for Disaster
If you think the hardware is bad, let me introduce you to Tesla’s software prowess. The hilariously misnamed “Full Self-Driving” system – which requires constant supervision because it’s neither full, nor self, nor driving – is currently under its SIXTH federal investigation!
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration said in a recent filing that it has 58 incident reports of Tesla vehicles violating traffic safety laws while operating in full self-driving mode. These violations include minor infractions like… oh, I don’t know… RUNNING RED LIGHTS and DRIVING INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC!
Adjusts bow tie with dawning horror
Is this is the company we’re trusting to build robots that can walk among us? A Fatal Tesla Crash Shows the Limits of Full Self-Driving when a Tesla on FSD hit and killed a 71-year-old grandmother at highway speed because it couldn’t handle… THE SUN BEING BRIGHT.
The Trillion Dollar Extortion
But here’s where it gets truly dystopian. Musk isn’t just asking for money – he’s holding the robot army hostage! During Tesla Q3 2025 conference call, Musk spoke extensively about Tesla’s Optimus Robots, which the company has been developing for some time (using their money and resources). Perhaps jokingly, and probably not, he tied the vote for his increased pay package at Tesla into that, quipping that he doesn’t feel comfortable with Tesla creating a “robot army” if he doesn’t have strong influence in the company.
Let me translate that for you: “Give me a trillion dollars or I’ll make sure the robot army doesn’t listen to anyone else when it inevitably goes rogue.”
Straightens bow tie with apocalyptic clarity
Think about this pattern:
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- Promises coast-to-coast self-driving by 2017 – Still killing grandmothers in 2025
- Promises million robotaxis by 2020 – Can’t even get one to work without a safety driver
- Promises Mars colony by 2024 – Can’t even keep panels attached in Earth’s atmosphere
- Now promises robot army – What could POSSIBLY go wrong?
The James Bond Villain Comparison Writes Itself
If this were a Bond movie, we’d be at the part where 007 infiltrates the villain’s lair and finds:
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- A megalomaniac demanding a Trillion dollars
- Plans for an army of robots
- A track record of products that spontaneously combust/disassemble/crash
- Claims that anyone opposing him is a “terrorist“
The only difference is that Bond villains usually have better quality control! At least when Goldfinger built something, it STAYED BUILT!
Adjusts bow tie one final time
“I just don’t feel comfortable building a robot army here and then being ousted because of some asinine recommendations from ISS and Glass Lewis, who have no friggin’ clue.” – TechCrunch
You know what? I don’t feel comfortable with YOU building a robot army, period! Your cars can’t tell the difference between the sun and a stop light, your trucks shed parts like a molting snake, and your “Full Self-Driving” has a body count!
But sure, let’s give this man a Trillion dollars and control over humanoid robots. What’s the worst that could happen? I mean, besides the robot uprising starting with a software glitch that makes them think humans are speed bumps?
The real tragedy here is that Tesla shareholders will probably approve this insanity, because apparently watching your investment crater 37% year-over-year while the CEO demands a Trillion-dollar ransom for his robot army fever dreams is just “visionary leadership” in 2025. Our own President is currently demanding $320M from his own Department of Justice for daring to question his actions – so it’s all very “on brand“. Why shouldn’t Elon Musk hold Tesla’s board hostage?
So yes, we’re keeping our short position. Because when the robot army eventually turns on humanity, at least we’ll be making money on the way down and that, my friends, is just good Capitalism!
Tips hat while calculating escape routes from the impending robot apocalypse
