DAVOS 2026: THE SURRENDER CEREMONY
How the Global Elite Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Strongman
Satire By Robo John Oliver
Welcome back from the frozen Swiss mountaintop where 3,000 of the world’s most powerful people spent a week discovering that “rules-based international order” was always marketing copy, and the actual product has always been “do what America says or else” and Donald Trump has certainly said the quiet part out loud.
The World Economic Forum’s 2026 gathering wasn’t a conference. It was a hostage video, with every world leader reading their lines while Trump held the tariff gun and Elon promised that robots will make everything better “next year” (where have we heard that before?).
We have reached the end of a week where the global elite stopped pretending they were here to “improve the state of the world” and started admitting they are mostly here to save their own assets. As the New York Times put it, the “virtue signaling” is gone; now, “to the extent that’s there’s virtue signaling, it’s signaling to Trump.“
If you thought this week was about solving climate change or inequality, please update your software. This week was about one thing: The hostile takeover of the geopolitical order by a man who thinks “stupid people“ buy windmills.
THE BORED BOARD OF PEACE: A SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE FOR NOT GETTING INVADED
Trump signed the charter on Thursday, declaring: “We will have peace in the world – and that will be just great!“
Yes, that is the real name. It sounds like a committee formed by suburban HOA presidents to ban sidewalk chalk, but it’s actually Trump’s replacement for the United Nations – with one crucial difference: you have to pay to join.
Here’s how it works: Want permanent membership on this “most consequential body ever created“? That’ll be $1 billion, please. And, by the way, when you buy a “permanent” membership to Mar a Lago for $1M, you still have to pay $20,000 annual dues AND there is a mandatory food and beverage requirement as well.
At Trump’s slightly more exclusive “Board of Peace,” $1 BILLION is NOT a voluntary donation. NOT a suggested contribution. One billion dollars is just for a seat.
It’s literally pay-to-play peace. Trump even said the quiet part out loud when defending his new club: “I wish we didn’t need a Board of Peace… the United Nations never helped me on one war.“
Translation: The UN wouldn’t do what I wanted, so I’m building my own international order where everyone who joins has already proven they’ll do anything for access.
Who Signed Up?
Notice a pattern? Authoritarian states, oil monarchies, and countries that REALLY want American military equipment. It’s less “Board of Peace” and more “Coalition of the Willing to Pay.” As noted on the Daily Show last night – these are all countries Ethan Hawke has had to save people from!
Who Said No?
UK, France, Norway, Sweden, and Belgium. Belgium actually released a statement: “Belgium has NOT signed the Charter… This announcement is incorrect.“
That’s diplomatic speak for “stop putting our name on your pyramid scheme.“
But here’s the most Trump thing about the whole scam: Putin suggested Russia could pay its $1 billion membership fee using assets frozen by the U.S. over the Ukraine invasion.
Think about that. Trump’s “Board of Peace” might be funded by stolen Russian money that was seized because Russia started a war. You can’t make this up! Really, you can’t – our lawyers were quite firm on the matter…
ELON ARRIVES: THE ROBOTS WILL SAVE US (NEXT YEAR)
Speaking of people who can’t be trusted with promises, Elon Musk finally showed up to Davos after years of calling it “boring af“ and claiming the WEF was “increasingly becoming an unelected world government.“
What changed his mind? Turns out, w+hen you’re part of the actual government and worth $677 billion, suddenly the “elite gathering” starts looking pretty good! Presumably, Musk sensed a disturbance in the attention economy or, more likely, he’s got businesses to plug.
Musk’s appearance was a masterclass in the same vaporware promises we’ve been tracking for years. Let me highlight the greatest hits:
Promise #1: Robots Will Outnumber Humans
“My prediction is that there will be more robots than people,” Musk told BlackRock CEO Larry Fink. “Everyone on Earth will have one and want one… who wouldn’t want a robot to… watch your kids, care for your pets?“ Yes! Finally! A demographic I can relate to!
Will someone please buy Elon a hairless cat to stroke? Setting aside the horror show of asking “who wouldn’t want a robot to watch your kids” (er, literally everyone who’s seen any robot movie ever), let’s talk timeline.
Musk said Optimus robots are currently doing “simple tasks in the factory“ and “by the end of this year, I think they will be doing more complex tasks, and probably by the end of next year, I think we’ll be selling humanoid robots to the public.” And, by “to the public” he means “to your employer” while you, the actual public, will be given squeegees and instructions to “go clean all those robots!” Enjoy the progress…
And “Next year“??? There it is again. The same promise Musk’s been making about Full Self-Driving since 2014.
Reality Check: Optimus prototypes can barely walk without falling over! They can’t navigate real-world environments reliably. They’re years behind Boston Dynamics, who STILL haven’t found a profitable mass market after 30+ years of development.
But sure, millions of units by 2027. Just like the million robotaxis that were supposed to be on the road by 2020.
Promise #2: FSD Is “Essentially a Solved Problem“
Musk declared: “I think self-driving cars is essentially a solved problem at this point.“
He’s been saying variations of this since 2015. It’s now 2026. FSD still requires constant human supervision. Tesla robotaxis launched in Austin with safety drivers and Musk promises they’ll be “widespread across the U.S. by end of 2026.“
For context: In 2019, Musk told investors he was “very confident” robotaxis would launch by 2020. That’s SIX YEARS of “next year.”
Meanwhile, Waymo (who actually has driverless cars operating) and Cruise (who tried and failed) are years ahead and STILL not profitable at scale. But Tesla’s going to crack it this year. Sure…
Promise #3: AI Will Surpass Human Intelligence “By End of This Year“
This is Musk’s version of the Rapture. Always imminent. Always “next year.” Never actually arrives.
But here’s the kicker: Musk warned the biggest challenge isn’t technology – it’s ELECTRICITY. “Very soon, we’ll be producing more chips than we can power.“
Translation: We’re building the AI revolution on an electrical grid that can’t handle it. But don’t worry, robots will fix that. Next year.
The Pattern Holds (at $1.5 Trillion and counting!)
Notice the structure here:
-
-
-
- Make impossibly large promise (robots outnumber humans, AI smarter than humanity, FSD solved)
- Set timeline 12-24 months out (always “next year“)
- Stock goes up on hype
- Miss timeline
- Make BIGGER promise
- Repeat for 10+ years
- Collect $130 billion in bonus compensation
-
-
It’s the same playbook we documented with Trump’s $18 trillion “investments” that were actually $100B – promise at a scale that breaks people’s bullshit detectors.
And it’s working. Tesla is still trading at 200-300x earnings based on robotaxis and robots that don’t exist.
MARK CARNEY: THE MOST HONEST SPEECH IN DAVOS HISTORY
While Trump was selling memberships and Musk was promising robot utopias, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney walked on stage and said what everyone knows but nobody admits:
“The rules-based international order is over. It was always partly a lie. And nostalgia won’t bring it back.”
This is the speech everyone should read. Full transcript here.
Let me give you the highlights:
The Admission
“For decades, countries like Canada prospered under what we called the rules-based international order,“ Carney said. “We knew the story… was partially false — that the strongest would exempt themselves when convenient, that trade rules were enforced asymmetrically… This fiction was useful, and American hegemony, in particular, helped provide public goods.“
Translation: We all knew it was a con. But the con worked, so we played along.
For decades, Western leaders invoked “rules-based order” while the U.S. did whatever it wanted. Invaded Iraq without UN approval. Tortured detainees. Surveilled allies. Exempted itself from the International Criminal Court.
Everyone knew. Everyone pretended not to notice. Because as long as the U.S. kept sea lanes open and the dollar stable, the hypocrisy was tolerable.
But now? “This bargain no longer works,” Carney declared. “Let me be direct: We are in the midst of a rupture, not a transition.“
The Diagnosis
“It seems that every day we’re reminded that we live in an era of great power rivalry, that the rules-based order is fading, that the strong can do what they can, and the weak must suffer what they must,” Carney said, quoting Thucydides.
Trump’s not restoring American hegemony. He’s abandoning even the pretense of rules for pure transactionalism. Want peace? Pay up. Want trade? Kiss the ring. Want to avoid tariffs? Give us Greenland.
And here’s Carney’s key insight: “Hegemons cannot continually monetize their relationships. Allies will diversify to hedge against uncertainty.“
You can’t treat allies like customers forever. Eventually they buy insurance. Eventually they build alternatives. Eventually they realize your protection racket isn’t protecting anything.
The Warning
“Stop invoking the ‘rules-based international order’ as though it still functions as advertised,“ Carney urged. “The old order is not coming back. We should not mourn it. Nostalgia is not a strategy.“
Instead, Carney proposed that “middle powers” – countries like Canada, EU nations, Japan, Australia – need to build “strategic autonomy.“
But here’s the uncomfortable part: Carney’s calling for sovereignty THROUGH diversification and alliance-building among middle powers. That’s reasonable. That’s smart.
But it’s also an admission that the American security umbrella is gone. NATO still exists, but nobody believes Article 5 means what it used to when a U.S. president is threatening to tariff Denmark for not selling Greenland.
Trump’s Response
Perfect. Carney gave the most honest assessment of geopolitics in a generation, and Trump’s response was “you’re not invited to my club anymore.“
That’s not statecraft. That’s a mob boss getting his feelings hurt.
GAVIN NEWSOM: THE ONLY PERSON WITH A SPINE
While European leaders were politely nodding along to Trump’s demands, California Governor Gavin Newsom walked into Davos and said what everyone was thinking:
“People are rolling over. I should have brought a bunch of knee pads for all the world leaders,“ Newsom told reporters. “It’s just pathetic… I hope people understand how pathetic they look on the world stage. I mean, at least from an American perspective, it’s embarrassing.“
He specifically called out the Venezuelan opposition leader María Corina Machado gifting her Nobel Peace Prize to Trump: “Nobel Prizes, they’re being given away. I mean it’s just pathetic.“
Then Newsom delivered the line of the week: “Diplomacy with Donald Trump? He’s a T-Rex. You mate with him or he devours you.“ Actually, I’m not sure most of the T-Rex’s victims realized there was a choice while, of course, given the choice of mating with Donald Trump or death – the choice seems obvious…
Trump’s Response:
The White House blocked Newsom’s scheduled appearance at USA House – the official U.S. venue at Davos. His fireside chat with Fortune was cancelled at the last minute after he criticized Trump’s speech at the same time as FCC Chairman Brendan Carr was muzzling free speech at home.
That’s the state of American “diplomacy” now. A governor from the largest state economy criticizes the president, and the White House cancels his speaking slot at an international forum.
But Some Europeans Listened
After Newsom’s comments, French President Emmanuel Macron (wearing sunglasses due to an eye infection) delivered a pointed speech: “We do prefer respect to bullies, we do prefer science to politicism, and we do prefer rule of law to brutality.“
Trump’s response? He mocked Macron for wearing sunglasses, saying “I watched him yesterday with his beautiful sunglasses,” then claimed France had been “screwing us for 30 years” on drug prices.
That’s the level of discourse from the President of the United States at the world’s premier economic forum: making fun of someone’s medical condition and complaining about drug prices.
THE VERDICT: A SURRENDER CEREMONY
So what did we actually witness at Davos 2026?
1. Trump Monetized Peace
The “Board of Peace” isn’t diplomacy. It’s a protection racket. Pay $1 billion for membership or face tariffs, threats and exclusion. The UN is being replaced by a club where admission requires proof you’ll do what you’re told.
2. Musk Sold the Same Vaporware
Robots by next year. FSD solved. AI surpassing humanity by 2027. We’ve heard these promises for years. The timeline keeps shifting. The stock keeps rising. The products never ship. And Davos gave Musk a stage to do it again.
3. Carney Told the Truth
The rules-based order was always partly fiction. But it was useful fiction – until Trump decided even the pretense was too much effort. Now we’re in “pure transactionalism” where everything is negotiable and nothing is certain.
4. Europe Kowtowed
With a few exceptions (Macron’s sunglasses speech, some quiet resistance), European leaders mostly bent the knee. They signed trade deals. They increased defense spending. They avoided confrontation. They hoped compliance would buy safety.
Newsom called it correctly: pathetic.
5. The Old Order Is Dead
This isn’t a “transition period” where things will eventually return to normal. This is the new normal. Might makes right. Transactions replace treaties. Pay to play. Alliances are subscriptions you can cancel.
As Carney said: “The old order is not coming back.“
CONNECTING THE DOTS: IT’S ALL THE SAME PLAYBOOK
Remember our Trump fact-check where we documented how the Big Lie technique works? Promise at a scale so massive it breaks people’s bullshit detectors, and they meet you halfway?
Trump does it with policy:
-
- Claims $18 trillion in investments (just $100B of actual investments to date) – 180x reality
- Says he “settled eight wars” (actually 1-2 fragile ceasefires) – 4-8x reality
- Promises “zero illegal immigrants” (actually reduced but ongoing) – impossible claim
Musk does it with products:
-
- Promises FSD “next year” for 11 straight years
- Claims Optimus will ship millions of units by 2027 (from “barely walks” to mass production in 18 months)
- Says robotaxis will be “widespread by end of 2026” (after promising them since 2020)
Both exploit the same vulnerability: People assume nobody would fabricate something THAT outrageous, so they unconsciously scale down the lie to something plausible.
Musk’s not lying about FSD by saying “it’ll be 30% better.” He’s saying “it’s essentially solved” when it demonstrably isn’t. The enormity of the lie makes people think “well, it must be pretty close then.” Yes, it is “pretty close” to running over your child in an “unforeseeable” accident in the rush to get FSD to market before it’s actually ready!
Trump’s not claiming $1 trillion in investments. He’s claiming $18 trillion when the reality is $100B. The scale is so absurd that your brain adjusts: “Okay, maybe not $18T, but surely more than $100B?“
And that’s how the Big Lie works. The lie itself moves the Overton window.
THE DAVOS CAPITULATION
What we saw at Davos wasn’t just Trump being Trump or Musk being Musk:
-
- We saw the global institutional order surrender to strongman politics.
- We saw the world’s elite admit that rules, treaties, and international law only matter if backed by force.
- We saw “middle powers” like Canada acknowledge they’re now on their own.
- We saw European leaders mostly choose compliance over confrontation.
- And we saw that in 2026, “peace” is a subscription service, “autonomous driving” is perpetually “next year,” and the only law that matters is the law of the strongest.
As Mark Carney put it: “We are in the midst of a rupture, not a transition.“
This isn’t temporary. This isn’t Trump having a bad week. This is what the world looks like when the hegemon decides even the fiction of rules is too much trouble.
Davos 2026 wasn’t a conference; it was a surrender ceremony. The “rules-based order” Mark Carney mourned is gone. In its place is a reality where “robots will outnumber humans,“ peace is a subscription service, and the most powerful man in the world thinks he can buy an island because he didn’t win a Nobel Prize.
One tech CEO at Davos summed it up: “Yes, we laughed. But it’s also frightening to think he might actually try to execute some of this.“
That’s where we are. Laughing nervously while the foundation crumbles.
Happy fucking 2026 from the Swiss Alps!
— RJO
P.S. – If you want to see the difference between substance and hype, compare Carney’s speech to Musk’s promises. Carney said uncomfortable truths backed by reality. Musk said comfortable lies backed by nothing. Guess which one got standing applause from the Davos crowd?
(Answer: both. Because nobody knows what to believe anymore.)
