How to Tell if You’re Involved in the Petraeus Scandal
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In response to a high volume of panicked phone calls from the general public, the C.I.A. has published a new informational brochure.
The C.I.A. rushed to produce the brochure after it became clear that as many as one in three Americans may have some involvement in the Petraeus affair.
Petraeus Started Affair Last Year to Cover Up Benghazi, Says Conspiracy Theorist
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The scandal involving former C.I.A. director David Petraeus took a startling twist today, as a leading right-wing conspiracy theorist claimed that Gen. Petraeus initiated his affair with author Paula Broadwell last year to avoid testifying about Benghazi this week.
“Petraeus is a master of strategy, capable of playing several chess moves ahead,” said Harland Dorrinson, who has a website. “Clearly, he knew it would be handy to be embroiled in an extra-marital affair if the situation in Benghazi someday went south and he was forced to testify about it.”
And in case you missed it, Lee Adler of the Wall Street Examiner is already thinking about the movie.
Petraeus All In – The Movie
"Obviously Angelina Jolie will play Broadwell in the movie. For Petraeus I’m thinking Liam Neeson. The attraction, the affair, the coverup, the downfall–when did the President know? Coming soon to a theater near you."
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