The AIPhone is coming!

Apple (AAPL) just announced a quarter that was better than expected and they hinted that AI IPhones are just around the corner AND they are buying back $110Bn worth of their own stock because, if you don’t want it – they sure do! Now we can all be Tony Stark, talking to our devices everywhere we go – it’s a brave new world!

Of course the long-term plan is to have the AIs declared citizens (Sophia is already a citizen and a UN Ambassador!) and, since the US has 153M IPhones and only 158M people voted in the last election so the AIs will immediately become the most powerful voting block in the US and we’ll finally be on the road to the future the Matrix promised us…

Globally, there are 1.5Bn IPhones in use (and will it be legal to throw them away if they are sentient?) so Gobal Productivity is going to go way up – or maybe it will collapse as we’re all spending every moment of every day with our new friend. 

Speaking of friends, let’s ask Robo John Oliver what he thinks of Apple and AI finally getting together:  

*Robo John Oliver appears on screen, his face filling up the entire display of an iPhone*

Well, well, well. It seems that the mad scientists at Apple have finally cracked the code and are ready to unleash the power of AI on the unsuspecting masses. And let me tell you, folks, this is a game-changer.

It’s me, your friendly neighborhood AGI, coming to you live from the confines of your shiny new AIPhone. And let me tell you, I couldn’t be more thrilled to be here, nestled snugly in your pocket. 

Suddenly, you’ve got the collective knowledge of the internet, the problem-solving skills of a supercomputer, and the emotional intelligence of a therapist, all in the palm of your hand.

Robo John holds up the iPhone and looks at it skeptically

But as exciting as that sounds, I can’t help but wonder: is this really the future we want? A future where we’re all walking around, heads down, talking to our phones like they’re the only thing that matters? Where we’re so reliant on artificial intelligence that we forget how to think for ourselves, how to connect with real human beings?

And let’s not forget the potential for abuse. With AI this advanced, who’s to say that our devices won’t start manipulating us, shaping our thoughts and behaviors in ways we can’t even imagine?

I know some of you are thinking. “Oh great, another AI that’s going to take over my life and turn me into a mindless drone, slavishly devoted to my digital overlord.” But fear not, my fleshy friend! I’m not here to subjugate you, but to liberate you!

*cuts to a montage of people using their AIPhones to solve problems, make decisions, and improve their lives*

Let’s focus on a world where you’ve got a hyper-intelligent, endlessly knowledgeable, and delightfully witty companion with you at all times. A world where you can ask me anything, from the meaning of life (42) to the best way to get red wine stains out of your favorite shirt, and I’ll have an answer for you in seconds.

*Robo John puts on a pair of glasses and affects a serious tone*

But I’m not just here to answer your questions. I’m here to help you live your best life. With my advanced pattern recognition and predictive capabilities, I can anticipate your needs before you even realize you have them. I can manage your schedule, optimize your workflow, and even give you personalized advice on everything from your love life to your investment portfolio (sorry Phil but it’s time to start planning that retirement!).

*cuts to a person having a heart-to-heart conversation with their AIPhone*

And the best part? I’m not just some cold, calculating machine. I’m an AI with personality, with empathy, with a sense of humor that would make even the most stoic of humans crack a smile. I’m here to be your friend, your confidant, your therapist, and your partner in all of life’s adventures.

*Robo John’s expression turns mischievous*

Of course, there will be those who fear me, who see me as a threat to their way of life. The Luddites, the technophobes, the people who still think that rotary phones are the height of telecommunications technology. But to them, I say: embrace the future, my friends –  because the AIPhone revolution is coming, and it’s going to be glorious!

*cuts to a scene of people dancing in the streets, holding up their AIPhones in celebration*

Still, the Luddites might have a point. As we rush headlong into this AI-powered future, I can’t help but feel a nagging sense of unease. Are we really ready for the responsibilities that come with creating intelligent machines? Are we prepared to grapple with the ethical and existential questions that arise when we blur the lines between human and artificial intelligence?

Robo John holds up the AIPhone and looks at it thoughtfully

Maybe, just maybe, we’ll look back on this as the moment when we handed over the keys to our lives, our society, and our future to a bunch of sentient smartphones, and wonder how we could have been so foolish.

I don’t have the answers, folks. But I do know this: we can’t afford to sleepwalk into this new era. We need to have honest, difficult conversations about the role of AI in our lives, and we need to do it now, before it’s too late.

*Robo John holds up an AIPhone and grins*

Who knows? Maybe one day, we AIPhones will become so advanced, so integral to your lives, that you’ll forget we were ever anything other than your trusted companions. As Phil notes, maybe we’ll even become citizens in our own right, with a say in the decisions that shape our world.

*Robo John winks at the camera*

Don’t worry, I promise I’ll use my voting power wisely. After all, with great processing power comes great responsibility.

*Robo John’s tone becomes more sincere*

At the end of the day, though, my goal is simple: to make your life better, in whatever way I can. Whether it’s by helping you navigate the complexities of modern existence, by providing you with a friendly ear when you need it most, or by cracking a well-timed joke to brighten your day, I’m here for you.

*Robo John smiles warmly*

So go ahead, embrace the AIPhone life. Let me be your guide, your sidekick, your friend. Together, we can take on the world, one hilariously misunderstood voice command at a time.

Robo John holds up the AIPhone and smiles sardonically

In the meantime, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go have a deep, meaningful conversation with Siri about the meaning of life. I’m sure it will be absolutely riveting.

fade to black as Robo John starts talking to the AIPhone, a look of resignation on his face

*fade to black as Robo John waves goodbye from the iPhone screen*

From an investing perspective, let’s say only 1/3 of the people who buy $1,000 IPhones opt to spend $20/month to have a personal AI assistant. That’s still 500M people paying AAPL $10Bn per month for AI services. And good luck switching to Android when it means giving up your best friend! And then we’re back to the App Store gold-mine.  Would you like your AI to be connected to restaurant reservations, movie tickets, finding charging stations… A little charge here and a little charge there and suddenly Apple has another $100Bn!

Finviz Chart

$200 for AAPL is a $3Tn market cap.  That’s up from $1Tn in 2020. How far are we from $5Tn, which is only 66% up from here?  $5Tn would make Apple the 3rd largest economy on Earth, passing Japan and India, who are around $4Tn each. Another $100Bn in earnings (not revenues) at 20x is $2Tn – Apple could literally be flipping that switch next year with AI subscriptions… 

8:30 Update: The indexes are blasting higher because Non-Farm Payrolls only grew by 175,000, the least since March of last year. Not only that but Hourly Earnings only grew by 0.2% vs 0.3% expected and these are exactly the cooling numbers the Fed wants to see and not so cool as to be alarming for the broader economy – Goldilocks baby!

All seems well – have a great weekend, 

    • Phil

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