Posts Tagged ‘humor’

THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION

THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION

Courtesy of The Pragmatic Capitalist 

A brilliant piece of financial analysis here (comedy).  It would be hilarious if it wasn’t accurate (with the exception of the fact that China own the USA):

million THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION


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ONION Medley

Sampling several articles from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source (click on titles for whole articles): 

U.S. Government: We Have Not Forgotten About Osaka Binn Rogen

Operation Enduring Freedom

WASHINGTON—High-ranking intelligence officials said Monday that the military was still aggressively pursuing notorious terrorist Osaka Binn Rogen, declaring that they had not forgotten about bringing the leader of the Al Hydra network to justice. 

U.S. Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates assured citizens that American forces were actively hunting down Osaka Binn Rogen, and asserted that locating the mastermind behind the tragic 19-11 attacks is as pressing now as it was when their search first began, six or 10 years ago or however long it’s been.

"This homicidal madman committed terrible atrocities against the American people, and we have never, ever lost sight of that," Gates said. "Binn Rogen is the most wanted man on the planet, and he remains our No. 1 priority."

"We have only one thing to say to this heinous individual," Gates added. "We will find you, Osaka Binn Rogen."

Based upon field surveillance and intelligence, officials recently widened the search for Orlama Win Roben by dispatching CIA paramilitary officers and Delta Force soldiers to track down, capture, or assassinate the terrorist leader, who has been described as a "very bad, very tall guy with a beard."

"Every single day our brave soldiers are out plastering wanted posters with Owanda Bun Luvin’s face on buildings, telephone poles, and surrounding trees," Gen. Stanley McChrystal said. "We are constantly scouring the dangerous borderlands of Latvia for this terrible, terrible man."…

Here’s a little something we may have suspected, but now there’s a scientific study:

Study: Shoving, Yelling Makes Things Go Faster 76% Of Time

TUCSON, AZ—Researchers at the University of Arizona released a study Monday showing a causal relationship between raising one’s voice, pushing people in the chest, and getting what you want more quickly. …

Similarly unsurprising…

Chimp In Cocaine Study Starts Lying To Friends

ATLANTA—Concerned workers at the National Primate Research Center said Bobo, a 5-year-old chimpanzee participating in a 16-month cocaine study, was observed this week lying to the faces of friends, family, and staff.

"Our goal was to determine how large doses of the stimulant would improve or impair the chimpanzee’s ability to perform memory and language tasks," said primatologist Daniel Martin, the project’s lead researcher. "What we found was that cocaine


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The America Burger…Enjoy, Slobs.

The America Burger…Enjoy, Slobs.

america-burger

from NatalieDee.com

Sure, I could write 3 or 4 paragraphs about the decline of dignity and the pervasive slovenliness of my countrymen, exactly when we need all of our faculties to be at their sharpest, but why bother when Natalie Dee so perfectly encapsulates this concept in her America Burger faux advertisement.

As American archetype Homer Simpson would unironically say, “It’s funny ’cause it’s true.”

NatalieDee.com

 


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In Recognition of Constitution Day, the Long-Lost Charter Is Printed on Milk Cartons Nationwide

I missed Constitution Day, but as luck would have it, so did the Constitution. - Ilene

In Recognition of Constitution Day, the Long-Lost Charter Is Printed on Milk Cartons Nationwide

Constitution on milk carton

 

 

 

 

 

 

By Op-Toons Review

In recognition of “Constitution Day,” commemorating the signing of the U.S. Constitution on September 17, 1787, the long-lost document has been printed on milk cartons nationwide.

The public is urged to be on the lookout for a “short, concise statement of the principles of limited government.” Authorities said the document “is just a few pages long,” so it could be “just about anywhere.”…  More here. >>

 


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The financial crisis explained

Lol on this one, but warning--mildly strong language towards the end.

The financial crisis explained

Courtesy of Edward Harrison at Credit Writedowns

More weekend market laughs for the financially-inclined.  Hat tip Blicklog.

 


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Zero Hedge

Morgan Stanley Makes A Stunning Observation: 28% Of The US Population Has FICO Score Below 650

Courtesy of ZeroHedge View original post here.

Authored by Morgan Stanley strategists Vishwanath Tirupattur and Ellen Zentner

The strength of the US consumer has been the bedrock of the current economic expansion. Just a few weeks ago, in a CNBC interview, Fed Vice Chair Clarida said that “I cannot think of a time where in the aggregate the consumer has been in better shape.” With unemployment at 3.5%, the household savings rate ticking up to 8%, the aggregate debt-to-income ratio hovering around 40-year lows and consumer delinquencies at or near post-crisis lows...



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Insider Scoop

Can Netflix Deliver A Hit After Q2 Subscriber Disappointment?

Courtesy of Benzinga

Netflix Inc (NASDAQ: NFLX) is scheduled to report its third-quarter results Tuesday, after the market close.

The consensus estimate calls for earnings of $1.04 per share, up from 89 cents per share in the year-ago quarter. Analysts, on average, expect the company to report revenues of $5.25 billion, up 31.30% year-over-year.

Over the past four quarters, ...



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Phil's Favorites

Traditional banks are struggling to stave off the fintech revolution

 

Traditional banks are struggling to stave off the fintech revolution

Shutterstock

Courtesy of Kamal A Munir, Cambridge Judge Business School and Hamza Mudassir, Cambridge Judge Business School

Traditional banks are haunted by financial technology – fintech – firms. Challengers such as mobile-first banks Chime in the US, Monzo in the UK and Germ...



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Kimble Charting Solutions

New Gold Bull Market? Not Until This Happens!

Courtesy of Chris Kimble

After a big summer rally, Gold peaked out at $1566/oz in September.

Since then, Gold prices have been consolidating between $1475 and $1550.

So what’s happening here? Enter the Swiss Franc currency…

In today’s chart, we look at a key indicator (and correlation) for Gold. As you can see, the Swiss Franc has an uncanny resemblance to Gold.

Both Gold and the Franc are testing heavy resistance at the same time.

Until both breakout at (2), odds are low that a new Gold bull market emerges with another big rally leg higher....



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The Technical Traders

Lots of Upside Ahead for the Metals and Miners

Courtesy of Technical Traders

Palisade Radio talks with Chris as he discusses his approach to trading and why technical analysis works for him. He focuses on the chart and price action and explains why investors need to follow a trading strategy that suits their personality.

He cautions that a broad sell-off is likely when stocks move into the next bear market. This liquidation will pull everything down, including gold, for a time. Afterward, he anticipates a massive rally in the juniors.

Time Stamp References:

...



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Chart School

US Economic Review 2019Q4

Courtesy of Read the Ticker

An investor must form an opinion of the wider economic risk, here is a small sample of readtheticker.com US economy review.


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Example of the first chart in the video.


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Fundamentals are important, and so is market timing, here at readtheticker.com we believe a combination of ...

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Digital Currencies

Zuck Delays Libra Launch Date Due To Issues "Sensitive To Society"

Courtesy of ZeroHedge View original post here.

Authored by William Suberg via CoinTelegraph.com,

Facebook is taking a much more careful approach to Libra than its previous projects, CEO Mark Zuckerberg has confirmed. 

“Obviously we want to move forward at some point soon [and] not have this take many years to roll out,” he said. “But ...



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Lee's Free Thinking

Look Out Bears! Fed New QE Now Up to $165 Billion

Courtesy of Lee Adler

I have been warning for months that the Fed would need new QE to counter the impact of massive waves of Treasury supply. I thought that that would come later, rather than sooner. Sorry folks, wrong about that. The NY Fed announced another round of new TOMO (Temporary Open Market Operations) today.

In addition to the $75 billion in overnight repos that the Fed issued and has been rolling over since Tuesday, next week the Fed will issue another $90 billion. They’ll come in the form of three $30 billion, 14 day repos to be offered next week.

That brings the new Fed QE to a total of $165 billion. Even in the worst days of the financial crisis, I can’t remember the Fed ballooning its balance sheet by $165 bi...



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Biotech

The Big Pharma Takeover of Medical Cannabis

Reminder: We are available to chat with Members, comments are found below each post.

 

The Big Pharma Takeover of Medical Cannabis

Courtesy of  , Visual Capitalist

The Big Pharma Takeover of Medical Cannabis

As evidence of cannabis’ many benefits mounts, so does the interest from the global pharmaceutical industry, known as Big Pharma. The entrance of such behemoths will radically transform the cannabis industry—once heavily stigmatized, it is now a potentially game-changing source of growth for countless co...



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Mapping The Market

How IPOs Are Priced

Via Jean Luc 

Funny but probably true:

...

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Members' Corner

Despacito - How to Make Money the Old-Fashioned Way - SLOWLY!

Are you ready to retire?  

For most people, the purpose of investing is to build up enough wealth to allow you to retire.  In general, that's usually enough money to reliably generate a year's worth of your average income, each year into your retirement so that that, plus you Social Security, should be enough to pay your bills without having to draw down on your principle.

Unfortunately, as the last decade has shown us, we can't count on bonds to pay us more than 3% and the average return from the stock market over the past 20 years has been erratic - to say the least - with 4 negative years (2000, 2001, 2002 and 2008) and 14 positives, though mostly in the 10% range on the positives.  A string of losses like we had from 2000-02 could easily wipe out a decades worth of gains.

Still, the stock market has been better over the last 10 (7%) an...



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Promotions

Free eBook - "My Top Strategies for 2017"

 

 

Here's a free ebook for you to check out! 

Phil has a chapter in a newly-released eBook that we think you’ll enjoy.

In My Top Strategies for 2017, Phil's chapter is Secret Santa’s Inflation Hedges for 2017.

This chapter isn’t about risk or leverage. Phil present a few smart, practical ideas you can use as a hedge against inflation as well as hedging strategies designed to assist you in staying ahead of the markets.

Some other great content in this free eBook includes:

 

·       How 2017 Will Affect Oil, the US Dollar and the European Union

...

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About Phil:

Philip R. Davis is a founder Phil's Stock World, a stock and options trading site that teaches the art of options trading to newcomers and devises advanced strategies for expert traders...

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About Ilene:

Ilene is editor and affiliate program coordinator for PSW. She manages the site market shadows, archives, more. Contact Ilene to learn about our affiliate and content sharing programs.

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