New Market Definitions

From reader (and friend), Ray Seakan, comes this list of investing definitions… 

• BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

• BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

• CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer

• VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low… and selling lower

• P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors who wet their pants as the market continues its crash

• BROKER — What my broker has made me

• STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell

• STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock

• STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves

• MARKET CORRECTION — Occurs the day after you buy stocks

• CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

• YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share

• WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you are the sucker who bought Yahoo/YHOO @ $240

• INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Investor now locked up in a nuthouse

• PROFIT — Archaic; no longer in use.

Thanks, Ray. I needed a good laugh!
— David M Gordon / The Deipnosophist